Brain Dungeon

That’s the ONLY Google search that has resulted in a hit on my blog so far. As I told you before I went ahead and installed Google Analytics on my blog so that I could see what’s going on with my blog and I was actually kind of impressed. Ok, so I’m not reaching the masses, but I really kinda thought that I was really only typing for me and like 2 readers. (One of those readers being my wife!)

So after a little waiting I finally saw that I had a Google search bring someone to my blog. What I had to say about that abomination of a Pink Jeep obviously wasn’t what they were looking for because, according to Google Analytics, their average time on my site was 00:00.

I was just looking at the rest of the information and I am, I have to say, really astounded! So far, have had hits from 10 states within the US and 3 additional countries! I’m an INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTAR!!!

Ok…so maybe I’m not an international superstar, but I’m definitely getting more exposure than I thought!

I just have one question…WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE???

It’s enough to turn a man paranoid to know so many people are looking in but so few are actually saying anything…it’s like they’re sneaking up on me…

I just learned something about blogger. After typing in your title, if you hit “Enter,” blogger will post your title and close the editor. Good to know. I normally hit the “Tab” key, but for some reason I hit “Enter” and learned something new.

So…why have I been so quiet? I spent a week in a city about 3 hours away from home helping to put the technological touches on another one of our restaurants. It.Was.CRAZY. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something develop so quickly! If you would have asked me on Sunday if we would be opening on Friday, I would have said, “Are you crazy?” And if you had in turn asked me at midnight on Thursday night if we were opening on Friday morning, I would have said, “There’s just no way!” But…the persistence of those who employ me and the hard work of everyone involved had us opening those doors the next morning. INCREDIBLE!

I also had a little mini revelation while staying in the hotel down there. There is just NO recovering from a cold blast of water coming out of the shower-head as you turn on the water when you’re EXPECTING the water to come from the faucet. NO RECOVERING. You can turn the water on as hot as you can tolerate it, but you will still feel as though your bloodstream is now suitable for the filming of “March of the Penguins 2.” I am still shivering, and this was well over a week ago.

So I had an interesting conversation with a friend a few days ago. If you haven’t yet read about the pink jeep, it would be a good precursor to what you are about to learn.

My friend called me up to tell me that he actually pulled up next to the pink jeep at a traffic light. I was going to say “stop light” but that’s not entirely accurate as part of the time it’s a “go light”. Anyway, he said that he was able to see the driver of this vehicle. Now, I am sorry to stereotype, but I imagined that the driver of this…aberration…could likely be a young blonde female who was full of herself and just didn’t care that she was making a mockery out of jeep owners EVERYWHERE by choosing to adorn her vehicle in such a shade. In my mind it very easily could have been a Paris Hilton type – with attitude and everything…and of course her excuse would be that it’s CUUUUUUUUUUTE. Well – IT’S NOT CUUUUUUUUUUTE! It’s PUUUUUUUUUUKE!

Anyway, so when he tells me that he has seen the driver of said abomination I suddenly doubt that it is going to be what I might expect because, let’s face it, otherwise this conversation would not be noteworthy. So I said to him, “Please tell me it’s at LEAST a girl!” He does not. He does not even just tell me what the driver looked like, but posed his statement in the form of a question.

“What if I told you that the driver was a completely bald man in his 30s with arms covered in tattoos?”

…

Paris Hilton, if by chance you happen to read my blog some day, I apologize for making an assumption that involved a likeness of you. But would you do me the favor of PAYING THIS MAN WHATEVER IT TAKES TO REMOVE THIS VEHICLE FROM HIS POSSESSION???

Ok, now I have to admit, I did not see the driver, nor did I really take the time to listen to see if he might describe in better detail what this driver looked like so now I have a different image in my head. A big, scruff, biker-type dude with a handlebar mustache and a tattoo on his shoulder that has “Mom” in a big ol’ heart that he uses as an excuse to pound the life out of someone, should they choose to mock him. Now this vision can go one of two ways. This big, tough, killing-machine of a man could be secretly dainty…picking daffodils and wishing he had hair to adorn with said flowers. OR he could also use the JEEP as a means of providing him with a reason to expose a mocker’s innards to the whole world.

I have to say…I don’t know what to feel.

But…I will close with this. My friend called with a different reason entirely. Sure he brought further shame on the idea of a pink jeep, but he also called me to vent about his frustrations regarding a recent database upgrade the company he works for just experienced. To keep it short, he explained that the ONLY person tasked to work with the main office (in another state) was an 87-year-old woman who “does not know how to spell ‘PC’ and if you ask her a technical question, she will cry!”

Perhaps you had to be there, but I found that HILARIOUS.

So I was driving to work the other day, probably listening to a book-on-phone (what?). I learned that listening to books while I drive (especially long distances) can really shorten a drive. So my wife bought me some books on CD and I ripped ‘em to my computer, made MP3s out of them and put them on my memory card I bought for my phone which doubles as an MP3 player.

Anyway, so I’m driving along, minding my own business when this vehicle passes me in the next lane over. I had to do a double take…was I really seeing what I thought I was seeing? Perhaps I was drunk…no, I hadn’t had anything to drink in months, much less that morning. Perhaps I was high? No…don’t do drugs. Then why, in the name of everything good and pure, was I seeing what I was seeing? I got it! The end times…they were starting to happen right in front of my face! The world was getting ready to plummet into tribulation and dispair and it was all happening right before my eyes!

Ok…a bit over the top? Perhaps…but so was this:

No – really…it’s a pink Jeep. (I covered the license plate to protect the not-so-innocent)

A.Pink.Jeep.

Why? It’s….why???? Jeeps don’t belong it that color!!! Made for greens…acceptable in reds, blacks, blues, whites….but PINK??? It would be like seeing a rainbow in the sky with BLACK in it. It’s just not natural. You know, I would be willing to bet that as THEY were trying to put that color on the Jeep, it actually tried to dodge the paint. I’ll bet that it tried to shake off the offending tones like a dog shakes off water after a bath. I’ll bet there were mechanical sounds of an engine weeping oily tears as they touched up the last of the paint job. I’ll bet to this day there is a persistant oil leak in from the vehicle and they just don’t understand that THE JEEP IS STILL CRYING!

Get off my planet you barbarians! You don’t give a dog a mink coat and you don’t paint a Jeep PINK!

Ok…again…over the top…but so was the Jeep. Perhaps a inverted view of the colors would help.

There. I’ve made my peace with it.