Brain Dungeon

A lot actually.

There are people out there who might imply or blatantly state that I am not capable of rational thought…and they may be correct to a degree. But, I have had a lot on my mind lately.

I’m not sure it would be best to talk about it all in one post, as it could result in quite a long post. But I did want to talk about something in particular.

Recently, a friend posted a link on facebook about a man by the name of Eric De La Cruz. Eric was diagnosed at the age of 22 with dialated cardiomyopathy. At the time of the artical, he was in congestive heart failure and incapable of getting on a heart transplant list because no private insurance will cover him, and medicaid would not cover it – and of course he did not have the money to pay for it himself.

Through his sister’s reaching out to basically everyone, they have come a LONG way in the last week. You can read the updates on the website http://lifegiverproject.org. Some of the updates I read there had angered me beyond description. They got to a point where they had raised over $500,000 and it was STILL not enough to get him on a transplant list. I have no idea how much a heart transplant costs…but half a mil is a LOT.

As of the last update they are just over $870k. That’s a LOT of fundraising for one person in one week. He is now in a hospital where he could potentially get the heart and he is on a transplant list. Good news for him and his family (we hope and pray).

I have had a very hard time with this whole ordeal. Not just because of this one man’s story, but because of all the other stories out there like his. I made a comment to a friend the other day that “I hate money.” I understand that money is necessary in the world we live in these days (well, at least in the society that those of you reading this are a part of…I mean, let’s face it…might not have access to my blog if you’re in a place where you have absolutely no need for money). But I hate that MONEY is such a driving force. I hate that because of money people die. I hate that because of money people suffer. I hate that because of money, people that have a real need for help get ignored.

I know I’m only one person, and I know I can’t save everyone, but I’ve decided that it’s time for me to figure out what I can do to help. I haven’t solved that riddle completely just yet, but I have some ideas I’m working on.

Anyway, that’s what I felt like blogging about tonight. You may hear from more in the future on this subject on this blog, or I may mention some other blog I start for the sole purpose of fulfilling a desire to reach out and help someone. In the mean time, I hope to get back into my normal style of writing and hopefully entertaining my readers.

By the way…the three of you who have already subscribed to my blog since I moved, THANK YOU! If you know who the other 18 readers are that haven’t yet joined us over here…let them know I’ve moved! How sad that I have no idea who my readers are…lol.

Ok, I have been relatively quiet since the last update about our truck. Mainly because this week has been pretty busy for me. I have started seeing a chiropractor for my bad back and had other things going on in the evenings that just kept me from being bloggy.

That’s ok, except that I just had a chance to catch up today with The Rock Chick’s blogs about Mental Illness Awareness week. Unfortunately, participating in awareness week is a one day thing for me since today is the “last day”. BUT awareness isn’t just a one week thing. It’s a forever thing.

The fact is, mental health is a MAJOR factor in your over-all health. Unfortunately, in many cases mental health “issues” are perceived by people as weaknesses. People are sometimes ashamed or afraid to seek help because they don’t want to admit their weakness. IT’S NOT A WEAKNESS!

I can attest to this because I’ve been there. I have been so depressed that nothing else in the world even mattered anymore. I was ashamed to seek help because I just KNEW I was strong enough to get through it all by myself. Unfortunately, I was only deceiving myself. It wasn’t a matter of being strong. It was a matter of being willing to accept help. My wife, my boss, and my friends could all see that I needed help, but I was too stubborn to go get it. I didn’t even realize just how much it was effecting every aspect of my life until my boss (for emphasis only, not a “real” threat) threatened to grab me by the throat and drag me to a doctor. The fact was that due to my chronic back pain and ever-persistent sciatica (old Army injury), and the stresses going on with my job (and my perceptions of the need for absolute perfection in everything I do), I was ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE. Talking to someone helped. I should have done it sooner. In my case, I did not need medication – but different people heal in different ways.

I believe there are many possible factors for issues with mental health to include physical, emotional, spiritual, chemical, and so on. The brain is a very complex organ and just like you can have illnesses relating to the heart, liver or kidneys, you can have illnesses relating to the brain. Sometimes medication helps, sometimes meditation helps. It depends on what’s going on up there, but awareness is the first step to help. For the sake of those who might find that they themselves need help, SEEKING HELP IS A SIGN OF STRENGTH, NOT WEAKNESS! For those who know people who might need help, being informed can help you help them get help (wow…how many times can the word help be used in one sentence???).

So, in the spirit of grabbing the Rock Chick’s hand in spreading awareness about mental health and mental illnesses, I am encouraging everyone out there to be aware. Her own daughter is going through some battles with anorexia and bipolar disorder. If it weren’t for Rock Chick’s awareness, the consequences of her daughters battle could have ended up so much more severe! SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT! Stop on by her blog and let her know you’re tagging along!

Oh wait, it’s me!

Ok, so, wow. Long time since I last posted. Two months since my last post…almost three since my last “real” post. I know I’m rambling to almost nobody, here, but I still feel the need to catch up…with…myself?

It’s been a hectic few months. Work has been busy, so there hasn’t been a WHOLE lot of social life going on. (oooh…ending a sentence with a preposition – I’m DEvolving!) I took a trip to Utah in August to visit with family I haven’t seen in upwards of 12 years. The reason for the trip was actually the celebration of my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. Their anniversary is really in September, but since it was easier to get everyone together in August – that was the month we got together!

So – I saw my parents and one of my brothers and his family for the first time in almost 3 years. I saw my Grandparents and some of my aunts and uncles for the first time in almost 8 years. And I saw most of the rest of my family whom I hadn’t seen in 12 years! Including my “little” brother. I use quotes because he’s 4 years younger than I am and the last time I saw him, he was a short little runt of a 12-year-old whose biggest accomplishment in life was tattling on our sister and getting her in trouble. Now he’s a gargantuan (4 inches taller than me) 24-year-old who spent 2 years on a mission in Taiwan, has learned to fluently speak Mandarin Chinese, and has even recorded for Disney (he plays cello).

Since I came back, I’ve been working a whole lot more. Mostly because the company I work for just opened up a new restaurant. Since I’m the lead on all the techie stuff that goes in (registers, computers, cameras, etc) that means a lot of long hours. But the opening was a success a couple of days ago, and aside from working out a few kinks, I think I’ll soon be able to move on to other projects.

In the interest of not making this TOO long (I think that ship has sailed), I’ll mention one other thing and send you, my loyal reader(s?), off to do thy bidding. Last weekend, I got back from work and just felt the need to get out of the house. I convinced my wife that we should get out and maybe take some pictures or something (we both enjoy a little photography). So, we got in her new (used) Mazda Tribute (4 wheel drive, baby!) and went down to the beach. (Our first time on the beach in 4 wheel drive!) We snapped a few pictures of the water, the birds, and of us! One picture turned out really well and neither of us could believe it actually came out good! Because of my back injury from my military days, this shot hurt pretty bad afterward…but it was so worth it. Check it out.

So, anyway, I suppose that’s it. In case you care, I updated my profile with a new “about me” and a new “random question” and had a little fun with it, so feel free to check it out. Drop me a line and let me know I’m not just talking to myself and hopefully I’ll post again soon…sooner than 2 months!

You’ll find out who in a sec.

Well it’s been another long while since I’ve posted. I’ve not had many opportunities to sit down and share what’s on my mind lately…I’ve been quite busy. Since I last posted and mentioned that we opened another restaurant in record time (at least for us) we opened yet ANOTHER restaurant. Now it may sound like this one was the record-setter, but it wasn’t. This one was actually started BEFORE the other one…but then all resources were diverted to the other one to get it open before spring break. In the end, the pace for the one that just opened was much better.

So anyway, back to my headline.

I was driving a long mostly empty road between George West, Texas and Refugio, Texas…probably nearing the Beeville, Texas limits when I saw this…

Now if you are unfamiliar with what you are looking at, let me explain for you why I thought this guy was lost. This is none other than an Amish Horse-and-Buggy! For those of you who DON’T know…the Amish primarily reside in the north…Ohio, Pennsylvania, Indiana and Canada are where you’ll find the majority of them. I lived in Pennsylvania, right in the heart of what we referred to as “Amish Country” – Lancaster County. You can learn more about them here if you are so inclined.

But…to see this guy trotting down a Texas road really surprised me. I’m sure there are a few Amish families in the area, and I may have even seen one once before here in Texas, but it’s NOT a common sight as deep south as I am.

I was on the phone with my wife when I first noticed him. I drove past him and said “I HAVE to get a picture…I wonder if my camera phone works while I’m talking on the phone.” So I turned around and snapped this picture. I attempted to get one from the front end of the buggy, too, but I mistimed it and he wasn’t even in the frame. (My camera phone is quite a slow camera!) I figured it wouldn’t be a good thing to turn around again and attempt another picture. I don’t know if the Amish get paranoid when they see the same car drive by them 5 times in less than 5 minutes, but I didn’t want to take that chance. Also, the Amish (at least in Pennsylvania) aren’t fond of having photos taken of them. The won’t pose for pictures. The wiki I pointed you to says it’s because they oppose vanity, but I seem to remember hearing when I was growing up that they felt that photographs stole part of your soul. The first reason actually sounds more likely, but WHATEVA.

Anyway…thought you’d like to see an Amish Texan. Now it’s time to get ready for work…FUN!

So, the first post of a new blog and it gets a title like “Life Without Parole.” What does that even mean???

Well, I just sat here at my computer for the last…I don’t know…20 minutes or so trying to come up with a good clever title for a new blog. What I found out is that I am not as clever as I thought I was! Not because I couldn’t think of anything good…but because everything good I thought of was already in use! What really pissed me off was that a couple of my ideas were taken and had no posts on them. Others were taken but hadn’t received a post in anywhere from 4-6 years.

So I finally decided I was a prisoner of my own mind. Picture with me if you will…it’s a dark chamber. I’m sitting in the corner of a circular room with walls fabricated with large stones and there is a window about 20 feet up that has no glass…just bars. There is moonlight bleeding onto the wall across from the window and every few seconds there’s the sound of a drop of water hitting a puddle and the reverberations linger for several seconds. Every few minutes there’s a scream from the torture chamber one room over where prisoners (other pieces of me) come up with great ideas and the dungeon master says “THINK OF ANOTHER, THAT ONE’S ALREADY MINE!!!”

Well guess what, dungeon master. I finally had a “unique” idea! I thought to title your dungeon!

But guess what, that didn’t get me out. I’m stuck here forever in this Brain Dungeon. I am a prisoner in my own mind sentenced for LIFE. Eh…I suppose it’s not TOO bad. I just hate when my ideas prove not to be my own.

I would say I’ve never blogged before, but that’s not really true. I’ve never blogged even remotely consistently and you won’t find evidence of my blogs anywhere other than a thought or two on MySpace (I think).

But…I’ve decided that I need to put a blog up where I can post when I get the urge. Usually I think that I wouldn’t have anything to say that anyone else in the world would ever care to read. But…every once in a while, I feel this need share what’s on my mind…even if people wouldn’t care. I don’t know that I could count on both hands the number of times I’ve thought, “that would make a good blog post” and then never did anything about it. I might actually have a nifty little blog going on if I had acted, even once, on that urge!

So, here I am. I’m finally doing something about it. I guess now we’ll see if I come back and post again or if I do to others as has been done unto me and just let this great idea of a blog title go to waste!

And…lest I be called out by my wife and her many “bloggy friends” I must say what was on my mind just a few days ago.

I’m not just saying this, I promise! Ok, so there I was sitting at my desk at work the other day. Maybe it was the fact that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner or maybe not, but I was thinking about the fact that I just LOVE my wife. Not that I don’t always love my wife, I do. But…for some reason I was sitting at my desk getting things situated for my day and I was thinking to myself, “I wish I had a blog so I could blog about the fact that I love my wife!” I probably would have done it then too except for one thing…I was at work and it would have taken me AGES to come up with a good blog name. I “made the mistake” of telling my wife that later on in the day when she sent me an instant message and SHE went on to blog about the fact that I wanted to blog about the fact that I love her. It’s almost hard to believe that it’s been over 7 years since we married!

Oh, come on…it’s ok for a guy to be mushy every now and then!

AND JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR – My title to this post “Life Without Parole” is in reference to being a prisoner of my own mind and NOT my marriage! I really do love my wife and my life with her!