Brain Dungeon

Yeah, it’s probably cliché to blog about love on Valentine’s Day. But…you know what? Sometimes I’m a little cliché. It’s not that I’m not intelligent enough to come up with good ideas; it’s that my ideas are great ideas that other people thought were great too!

Sometimes my great ideas are thwarted by others. I’m going to give a specific example and it relates to today, so don’t think I’m getting off topic!

Let’s go back about…oh…a little more than 8 years. Let’s introduce Dustin – a Private First Class in the United States Army stationed on Camp Essayons in Uijongbu, South Korea. This is a soldier who, before he was a soldier, thought he had a pretty good idea of what kind of person he was going to end up marrying. In fact, even before he realized that girls were NOT icky, he had a dream one night about a girl that he just KNEW he would grow up to marry. For a time, this dream was forgotten, but when he got older and DID realize that girls were not icky, he remembered this dream. Since the dream was now several years old…it was hard to tell if some of the details were a product of what he THOUGHT he wanted or if they were the original details. So, going through high school and even for the first little while in the Army, he was always on the lookout for this “dream girl”. There were a couple of times when he thought he may have met her, but there were always things that just didn’t seem right.

Enter Crystal.

Crystal was a college student who worked in a computer lab at her university. She was nowhere near Korea, but just happened to be the perfect time difference apart from Dustin that made it easy to catch him on instant messenger when he was not at work, because he worked at night. His schedule and the 15 hour time difference basically made it so that the two were online at the same time frequently. Dustin knew when he first saw her picture that there was something about this one. But…being cautious from several earlier wrongs, he didn’t say anything right away. After all, he barely knew her at this point – it really was just an instant message friendship.

Then Dustin had to relocate for a few months. This was during monsoon season and the dial-up connection in his barracks was not all that great. He would frequently get kicked off line and all too frequently was unable to get back online again. While battling with monsoon season, Dustin shared with Crystal that there were already reports of a few soldiers who had drowned in flash floods while trying to help make things safer. When Dustin got kicked offline one day and could not sign back on…Crystal did not think anything out of the ordinary…this happened all the time. What DIDN’T happen all the time was that he didn’t come back…for weeks. Well, he had to relocate to Seoul for about 3 weeks in September of that year to help usher in some new field equipment for his unit. He did not have his computer or an internet connection where he went and it wasn’t long before Crystal began to think that this semi-cool guy she had met on instant messenger had fallen victim to the flash floods of monsoon season.

When Dustin finally got back to his barracks, he signed online and saw Crystal online. He came up with some lame line like “Hey there! Long time to see!” Crystal was almost in disbelief! She felt an almost unrecognizable flutter of her heart when she realized that his guy was NOT dead and exclaimed “YOU’RE ALIVE!” She went on to tell him what she’d thought happened and they both had a good chuckle over it. A few weeks later, as Dustin was getting ready to head home for a month on leave, he got a little bold as to probe to see if there was any interest in him on the part of this gal he’d grown to admire. Turns out…there was. Not that it meant anything at that moment. Where he was going on leave was roughly 1,700 miles from where she lived.

When he got home and as they chatted online, he realized that he was falling hard and fast for this cute red-head of whom he’d seen just a couple of pictures on her website. He thought it a LITTLE odd since up until recently he really didn’t find himself attracted to girls with red hair…after all…his mother AND his brother both had red hair and he’d been around it all his life…it didn’t seem like anything that stood out to him. He shared with her, nonetheless, that he could tell he was falling for her. She kind of felt the same sentiment, but wasn’t sure it would ever evolve into anything. Over the course of the next few days, by virtue of chat and phone calls, their relationship started to blossom into a romance, though the two had never met face-to-face. Dustin KNEW he had to fix that. So…he did.

He bought a plane ticket and flew to her town and spent a few days with her and her family. When Dustin first hugged her he knew one thing…THIS was the girl he’d dreamed about so many years ago. He could tell by the way she felt in his arms…it was identical to the feeling he’d had of hugging her in the dream. He was 6′ tall, 200lbs and kind of solid from all those push-ups and sit-ups and running that the Army made him do. She was 5′ tall, very small framed and fit JUST RIGHT in his embrace.

Fast forward to December. Back in South Korea.

Dustin decided he HAD to do it. He had to propose. Yeah…it was a little quick…but he already knew for a fact that THIS was the one he was going to marry. There was no doubt in his mind. He had a great plan. He was going to buy a ring (a promise ring so that she could have a chance to pick out what kind of engagement ring she wanted) and send it to her for Christmas. He would propose with a video tape and she would LOVE it!!! He ran the idea by Crystal’s friend. She didn’t seem to think Crystal would like it so much. With the best of intentions, she said she’d like it, but that she’d probably PREFER an in-person on-one-knee kind of proposal. So…he put it off (great idea thwarted).

Fast forward to February. Dustin decided that he couldn’t wait until he saw her in person again to propose. He already knew he was going to marry her. He knew he was going to be stationed not too far from where she lived. He had to do it…for the sake of keeping true to his heart, he had to do it. So he went and bought a ring, bought a video tape and borrowed a friend’s camcorder. He started the video by asking her parents for permission and finished the video by proposing to the girl he’d dreamed about when he was still very young. He packaged it, addressed it to her dad, called him to let him know what was coming and sent it so it would get there as quickly as possible.

The package actually arrived on Valentine’s Day in the United States – which was Dustin’s intent. It was already after Valentine’s Day in South Korea by the time the package arrived, but that was ok. Of all torturous things, Crystal’s parents sent her to get the package which was at the post office, or UPS, or FedEx, or wherever it was. She brought it home and gave it to her parents (knowing SOMETHING was inside for her). Her parents viewed the tape while Dustin was on the phone with Crystal. They came and told Crystal that they had something they wanted to show her. Before showing it to her, Crystal’s dad asked to speak with Dustin and told him that he had his permission. Crystal got back on the phone and watched the video of Dustin proposing from South Korea and Crystal’s dad gave her the ring Dustin sent. Overcome with emotion, Crystal whispered an almost inaudible “yes” that she would marry Dustin!

So there you have it. Eight years ago today, I proposed to my wife (and litereally, the girl of my dreams) by video tape from 15 time zones away. And…I tell you…I am so glad I did.

Crystal – I’m glad we’ve spent the last 8 years loving each other and I look forward to many many MANY more years to come! Happy Valentine’s Day!

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That’s the first paragraph in my new story, “Sticking it to the Man Who’s Sticking it to the Man”

Let me explain.

Crystal and I were watching an episode of “Monk” that we had on DVR from a couple of weeks ago and Adrian Monk was taking up painting as a hobby. He was taking a class and the teacher walked by him and asked “Who told you that you can draw?” She went on to tell him that his art wasn’t good. When he said that he was drawing what he saw she said “you aren’t seeing it right.” When he said, “But I thought you said there was no right and wrong,” she responded “never say that again.”

Ok, so it made for funny TV. And what was funnier still is that what he had drawn probably COULD have been taken for “real art”. Heck, Crystal liked it!

But it made me think…why do painters get such liberty when it comes to art. Heck…musicians and sculpters get the same freedom. But writers…they’re much more limited to this same freedom of which I am speaking…

Do a Google search on ‘art splatter’ and you’ll see what I’m talking about. An “artist” can, in the name of art and in rebellion against civilization, splatter paint on a canvas randomly and it gets called “art”. People pay money for this “statement.” You can find sculptures made from junk and there are certain types of music which really seem to have no real form at all. Yet when writers write, they must use WORDS.

If a writer, in a sudden urge to rebel against everything that they were taught…just decided to randomly pound on a keyboard in the name of art, no publisher would pick it up (at least that’s the assumption I’m making now). Though, I wouldn’t doubt it if someone somewhere decided to prove me wrong and got rich and famous because they decided that when it comes to words, there really is no right or wrong, as long as you can see it. It would bring a whole new meaning to the phrase “tell the story in your own words.” Better yet, it won’t be a writer. It’ll be a painter who makes a random congregation of typed text on a canvas and it’ll go down in history.

Well…in case that happens…remember that you saw it here first!

So I was driving to work the other day, probably listening to a book-on-phone (what?). I learned that listening to books while I drive (especially long distances) can really shorten a drive. So my wife bought me some books on CD and I ripped ‘em to my computer, made MP3s out of them and put them on my memory card I bought for my phone which doubles as an MP3 player.

Anyway, so I’m driving along, minding my own business when this vehicle passes me in the next lane over. I had to do a double take…was I really seeing what I thought I was seeing? Perhaps I was drunk…no, I hadn’t had anything to drink in months, much less that morning. Perhaps I was high? No…don’t do drugs. Then why, in the name of everything good and pure, was I seeing what I was seeing? I got it! The end times…they were starting to happen right in front of my face! The world was getting ready to plummet into tribulation and dispair and it was all happening right before my eyes!

Ok…a bit over the top? Perhaps…but so was this:

No – really…it’s a pink Jeep. (I covered the license plate to protect the not-so-innocent)

A.Pink.Jeep.

Why? It’s….why???? Jeeps don’t belong it that color!!! Made for greens…acceptable in reds, blacks, blues, whites….but PINK??? It would be like seeing a rainbow in the sky with BLACK in it. It’s just not natural. You know, I would be willing to bet that as THEY were trying to put that color on the Jeep, it actually tried to dodge the paint. I’ll bet that it tried to shake off the offending tones like a dog shakes off water after a bath. I’ll bet there were mechanical sounds of an engine weeping oily tears as they touched up the last of the paint job. I’ll bet to this day there is a persistant oil leak in from the vehicle and they just don’t understand that THE JEEP IS STILL CRYING!

Get off my planet you barbarians! You don’t give a dog a mink coat and you don’t paint a Jeep PINK!

Ok…again…over the top…but so was the Jeep. Perhaps a inverted view of the colors would help.

There. I’ve made my peace with it.

So, the first post of a new blog and it gets a title like “Life Without Parole.” What does that even mean???

Well, I just sat here at my computer for the last…I don’t know…20 minutes or so trying to come up with a good clever title for a new blog. What I found out is that I am not as clever as I thought I was! Not because I couldn’t think of anything good…but because everything good I thought of was already in use! What really pissed me off was that a couple of my ideas were taken and had no posts on them. Others were taken but hadn’t received a post in anywhere from 4-6 years.

So I finally decided I was a prisoner of my own mind. Picture with me if you will…it’s a dark chamber. I’m sitting in the corner of a circular room with walls fabricated with large stones and there is a window about 20 feet up that has no glass…just bars. There is moonlight bleeding onto the wall across from the window and every few seconds there’s the sound of a drop of water hitting a puddle and the reverberations linger for several seconds. Every few minutes there’s a scream from the torture chamber one room over where prisoners (other pieces of me) come up with great ideas and the dungeon master says “THINK OF ANOTHER, THAT ONE’S ALREADY MINE!!!”

Well guess what, dungeon master. I finally had a “unique” idea! I thought to title your dungeon!

But guess what, that didn’t get me out. I’m stuck here forever in this Brain Dungeon. I am a prisoner in my own mind sentenced for LIFE. Eh…I suppose it’s not TOO bad. I just hate when my ideas prove not to be my own.

I would say I’ve never blogged before, but that’s not really true. I’ve never blogged even remotely consistently and you won’t find evidence of my blogs anywhere other than a thought or two on MySpace (I think).

But…I’ve decided that I need to put a blog up where I can post when I get the urge. Usually I think that I wouldn’t have anything to say that anyone else in the world would ever care to read. But…every once in a while, I feel this need share what’s on my mind…even if people wouldn’t care. I don’t know that I could count on both hands the number of times I’ve thought, “that would make a good blog post” and then never did anything about it. I might actually have a nifty little blog going on if I had acted, even once, on that urge!

So, here I am. I’m finally doing something about it. I guess now we’ll see if I come back and post again or if I do to others as has been done unto me and just let this great idea of a blog title go to waste!

And…lest I be called out by my wife and her many “bloggy friends” I must say what was on my mind just a few days ago.

I’m not just saying this, I promise! Ok, so there I was sitting at my desk at work the other day. Maybe it was the fact that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner or maybe not, but I was thinking about the fact that I just LOVE my wife. Not that I don’t always love my wife, I do. But…for some reason I was sitting at my desk getting things situated for my day and I was thinking to myself, “I wish I had a blog so I could blog about the fact that I love my wife!” I probably would have done it then too except for one thing…I was at work and it would have taken me AGES to come up with a good blog name. I “made the mistake” of telling my wife that later on in the day when she sent me an instant message and SHE went on to blog about the fact that I wanted to blog about the fact that I love her. It’s almost hard to believe that it’s been over 7 years since we married!

Oh, come on…it’s ok for a guy to be mushy every now and then!

AND JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR – My title to this post “Life Without Parole” is in reference to being a prisoner of my own mind and NOT my marriage! I really do love my wife and my life with her!